Songbird
by NettieC
Summary: After being injured in the line of duty, Olivia finds her return to work a slow and painful process. Thank goodness she has Laura Lee to help sort some things out - like her feelings for Elliot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr Wolf and I'm just playing.**

**This story was inspired by a review MrsLee made last year, it's just taken me a while to get it done…so that being the case, Laura, this one's for you.**

**I'm sure the Aussies amongst us will notice many of the name choices – yes I was watching the cricket at the time :D**

**-------------------Songbird--------------------**

It was late on a cold and frosty Thursday afternoon in October when Olivia walked slowly across the empty bullpen and knocked on her boss' door. She willed her hand to steady and her heart to slow as she waited for him to call out.

"Enter!" She took a deep breath and eased opened his door.

"Remember me?" she said quietly, taking Don by complete surprise.

"Olivia!" He was on his feet in an instant and taking her in a warm embrace before she knew it.

"Hey Don," she said when he let go, allowing her to breathe.

"Sit, sit, sit!" He said, pulling up a chair for her. He sat himself on the front of his desk, her hand still in his. "Are you supposed to be getting around by yourself?"

"I'm doing well, Don, the doctor says I'm well on the road to recovery," she said, her smile slightly dimming. "How are things here?"

"Flat out, as always. Everyone's out on calls but I'm expecting Fin and Lake back soon. El and Munch will probably be another hour," he explained. "You look tired, Liv, should you really be up and about?"

Olivia couldn't help but smile at the expression on her boss' face; she knew this was the paternal side of him. He was the closest thing she had to a father and she appreciated his concern. "I think it's taken more out of me than I expected," she smiled wearily. "I just really wanted to come in. You know it's been three months and a week since I was here last."

"I know," Don nodded, he knew. He knew, to be exact, it was ninety seven days since she last sat at her desk. Ninety seven days since he'd gotten the call to say Olivia and Elliot had been caught in an explosion. Ninety three days since Elliot left hospital, eighty three since he returned to work and eleven days since Olivia was discharged, the explosion damaging her back, causing temporary paraplegia. For the first month she couldn't move at all, then as the swelling and bruising diminished her movement increased, the night Don visited and saw her walk again for the first time he cried himself to sleep.

"I wanted to talk about returning to work and …" she began.

"It's a bit soon, Liv," Don interrupted, concerned she was rushing things.

"Yeah, I know," she agreed. "I guess it's more of a not returning to work discussion."

"You don't want to come back?" he asked more concerned about the turn in conversation.

"Oh, I do, but I can't see that happening for awhile. The guys have been great and everything but they have started asking about coming back and when I say not yet, they think I'm worse than I am…" she admitted.

"What do you want from me?" he asked, knowing there was something.

"You know how you said in the hospital I just needed to ask if I needed anything?" He nodded. "I need you to play the big, bad boss and tell them," she gestured towards the door, "that you won't let me return yet."

"I can do that," Don agreed, a smile on his face. "Do you have a return date in mind?"

"Probably another couple of months…I have a big rehab program and then it'll be desk duty for a while…" she paused. "Don, is this going to be a problem? I mean will there still be a place for me when I get back?"

"Olivia, there will always be a place here for you, for as long as you want it. Never doubt that!" Slowly Olivia stood and hugged her boss; those were the words she wanted to hear. They would keep her going through the arduous rehabilitation she knew was ahead.

Someone knocked briefly on the door before opening it. "Yo, Don…" Fin began before spying Olivia. "Livvy, girl, come here." Fin moved to wrap his arms around her before Don spoke.

"Just go easy with her, Fin, she's not completely healed yet," Don warned.

Fin hugged her gently, mindful of his boss' words. "You coming back soon?" he asked, kissing her cheek.

"Well, I…" she began slowly.

"She came in to ask but I said no," Don interrupted. "She needs more time to recover before we discuss that."

"Oh okay," Fin answered. Chester Lake rapped the door briefly before

"Did you…" he began. "Olivia, welcome back," he said, patting her arm briefly.

"She not back," Don said, gruffly, "just visiting."

"Well, it's good to see you here anyway," Chester said.

"Thanks," replied Olivia. "It looks like you guys have work to do…I might just get going and leave you to it."

"You need a lift, Livvy?" Fin offered, knowing she wasn't driving yet.

"No, it's fine, I'll get a cab." She farewelled her colleagues and slowly walked into the bullpen, listening to the door close behind her.

She stopped by her desk and couldn't resist sitting in her chair, smiling when it seemed to remember her shape. Fiddling with some things in her top draw she was startled by a hand on her shoulder.

"I know the owner of this desk; she'll kick your ass for that," John Munch whispered in her ear.

"She's a friend, I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Olivia pressed her hands down firmly on the desk and eased her weary body out of the chair. It was a painful effort and it didn't go unnoticed by Munch.

"How are you doing, Liv?" he asked quietly as she moved to hug him. He wasn't one normally for public displays of affection but with Olivia he made the exception. When he and Fin arrived on the scene only moments after the explosion, it was he who held her in his arms and tried to keep her conscious. It was he she begged to help her and it was he who she first told she couldn't feel her legs and couldn't move. Their relationship changed that day and they both knew it.

"Not as good as I thought I was," she answered, still in his embrace. "I guess coming in was a bit too much for me. Still, it was nice being able to walk in here."

"It was very nice." He kissed her head.

She tensed when she heard the approaching footsteps; she knew them as well as she knew her own.

"Hey El," she said, as Munch released her.

"Liv!" he said in surprise. "I didn't think we'd be seeing you here for a while."

"You won't be, came to talk to Don about returning and he said no," Olivia explained.

"Good," Elliot said.

"Good? You don't want me back?" Olivia asked, noting he was the only member of the squad not to touch her,

"Of course I do, I just think you need more recovery time," he quickly explained and although she knew he was right, and although she knew she shouldn't tears filled her eyes. She dropped her head but it was too late.

"Liv? Olivia?" He moved towards her. "Hey?"

"Sorry," she mumbled, "I've got to go." She grabbed her purse and took a few unsteady steps across the bullpen. Munch glared at Elliot and nodded towards Olivia.

"I'll take you home, Liv," he said, his hand holding onto her elbow.

"You don't have to, I'll be fine," she said.

"I'll take you home," he repeated and was relieved when she nodded. He slipped his arm around her shoulders and felt her lean into him, the act of walking enormously tiring for her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr Wolf and I'm just playing.**

**This story was inspired by a review MrsLee made last year, it's just taken me a while to get it done…so that being the case, Laura, this one's for you.**

**Thanks for the amazing reviews for chapter one – very much appreciated. **

**-------------------Songbird--------------------**

_**Two months later**_

Well on the road to recovery, Olivia's rehabilitation was reduced to two afternoon sessions a week. She was getting around much better and was going stir crazy in her apartment. She had taken up a few new hobbies to keep herself busy but she did long to return to work and some sense of her previous life. It had been five months since she'd been an active police officer and although she was doing a few other things she missed the guys. They had been so good visiting her, taking her places, catching up weekly at the bar but it wasn't the same as being in the squad room with them on a daily basis. Christmas and New Year had come and do and Olivia knew it was time for another chat with Don.

Once again she turned up unannounced, not wanting to give Don any time to think about her request. This time it was nearly five on Friday evening. She had planned out a schedule to suit her and she hoped he'd agree. This way she could come back, be part of the team, continue her rehabilitation and continue her with her new life. This time the bullpen was full as she came from the elevator. Chester spotted her first.

"Hey Olivia, it is welcome back this time?" he asked, the mention of her name bringing his three colleagues to their feet.

"Hi Chester, that's what I'm here to see,' she replied, moving into Fin's opened arms.

"Hey Liv," he said, kissing her head. "You think the old man will say yes?"

"Hope so," she replied. "Hi John," she said, hugging him briefly.

"What about me?" asked Elliot. Olivia caught her breath; he'd been so reluctant to touch her since all this. They had never had a touchy-feely relationship but it had been more obvious since the others had all responded more physically to her during her convalescence.

"Hey El," she said, moving to him and feeling his arms wrap around her. His scent invaded her sensory system and she grimaced. Her absence had done nothing to diminish her immense attraction to him, and as he pulled her a little tighter she realised he had missed her more than he had let on.

Don's door opened and he walked out, head down and file in hand. He glanced up quickly. "Why are you all standing around?"

"Think that's my fault, Don, sorry!" she said, stepping around Elliot.

"Olivia, great to see you," he said warmly. "You're looking well."

"I'm feeling well," she replied, smiling. "I was hoping we could have a chat." Don looked around at the four men behind her all staring at him intensely. He'd played the role of the big, bad boss role convincingly in the last two months and his men were worried he'd stop Olivia coming back again. They couldn't understand why he'd been so pig-headed about her return.

"Sure, Liv, just give me a minute here," he said.

Five minutes later when Fin and Chester had been dispatched Don sat down across from Olivia and opened his roster file.

"You sure about coming back, Liv…there's no rush," Don said.

"I have the all clear to start back…it will only be for a couple of hours a few times a week to start with. I have commitments on Wednesdays and Thursdays. So I'm hoping to come in Monday, Tuesday mornings and maybe Friday afternoons…does that sound okay?" she asked nervously.

"If that suits you, Liv, it's fine by me. You know I'll be totally flexible with this. If you have to change the days, the hours, start later, not come in, it will be fine. Your full recovery is the most important factor here," he said, closing his file. "Are you sure about this? Really sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure,' Olivia said. "If things change, you'll be the first to know."

Don grinned. "Good, I like playing the big, bad boss!"

"So, Detective Benson," he asked, coming from behind his desk. "When do you want to start?"

"Monday too soon?" she asked.

"Monday it is!"

Don opened the office door and ushered Olivia through it. "Well?" Munch and Elliot asked in unison.

Don gritted his teeth and fixed them with a steely glare. "I've told Olivia she can come back, starting next Monday. Three days, only a couple of hours a day. It'll be Monday, Tuesday and Friday to start with and then I'll re-evaluate it."

"Great," Elliot said, relief washing over his features.

"Welcome back, Liv," Munch said. "Finally!" he added looking at Don, who disappeared back into his office.

"Thanks, I can't wait," she said. "I know it must sound weird to you guys but I've missed this place…peeling paint, crumby heating and all."

"And it's missed you too, Liv," Munch said. "It just hasn't been the same without you."

"Thanks John," she replied, kissing his cheek. "Now, I'm going to go but I'll see you Monday."

"Can I drive you home Liv?" Elliot asked, adding "please," when he thought she was going to decline. He needed to talk to her before she came back, he'd been putting it off since the explosion and it was killing him.

Olivia nodded and Elliot grabbed his jacket. "I'll just speak to Don," he said before going into their boss' office.

"How's he doing, John? Really?" Olivia asked still watching the door.

"Physically he's fine, the rest…you have to talk to him yourself," Munch replied. Olivia turned back to him.

"I've tried, he doesn't talk about anything," she said quietly.

"Try again," he said as the door opened.

"You right to go, Olivia?" Elliot asked, taking her arm.

"Yeah. See you Monday, John," she said and allowed Elliot to lead her out of the building and down to the car.

The ride back to Olivia's was fairly subdued, with the only chatter about his kids. True she had seen them at least once a week over the five months since the explosion and had spent countless hours talking to them. True she probably knew more about them at the moment than their father but she asked all the same, it was a safe topic. She knew once they were back in her apartment things would change and they did.

Elliot was sitting in the armchair as Olivia returned from the kitchen with two cups of coffee in her hands. She was surprised to see him in the armchair; his preference had always been the sofa. It hurt her to realise it was so he wasn't near her. He had been the least affectionate of everyone she knew since this had all started, even Kathy, his ex-wife, kissed and hugged her every time they met.

Half way through the hot liquid beverage, Olivia looked over to see Elliot staring intently at the coffee table. To the outside observer it would seem he was testing his powers of telekinesis, but Olivia knew him far better than that.

"What's up, El?" she finally asked, frustrated with the silence. He glanced up to her briefly before returning his attention back to the table. Slowly he shook his head. "El?" The silence was now deafening.

"We're not good, are we?" she asked quietly. He shook his head again. "I'm sorry," she whispered, tears filling her eyes. She'd known this would be the outcome. His head snapped up at her apology.

"Why would you be sorry?" he asked gently.

"Because…" she paused, she didn't know exactly what she was sorry for, only that she was, tears trickled down her cheeks. "I don't know…I just feel this is all my fault." He was beside her in an instant, her hands in his.

"None of this is your fault," he said quickly. "None! If this is anybody's fault it's mine." He dropped his head. "Mine," he repeated quietly. And immediately Olivia knew this was the gulf between them.

"How's it your fault?" she asked, not letting go of his hands when he sought to retract them.

"The day of the explosion…I should have listened to you…we should have waited…" he said, pain in each word. "If I had we'd have walked away without a scratch as opposed to…"

"As opposed to not walking away at all," she finished for him. He nodded. "I've never blamed you for this, El, never."

"You didn't have to, I blame myself…some days I can barely look at myself and other days I can barely look…" his voice trailed.

"At me!" she offered.

"Yeah, and I'm sorry for that too."

Olivia moved closer to him and leant her weary head on his shoulder. "I don't blame you, Elliot, for anything…never think otherwise." He slipped his arm around her shoulders and rested his head on hers.

"So we good, Liv?" he asked, a quiet desperation in his voice. He needed to hear it from her; he needed her to be okay, with the incident, with her injuries, with him.

"Yeah El, we're good."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr Wolf and I'm just playing. The song's not mine either.**

**This story was inspired by a review MrsLee made last year, it's just taken me a while to get it done…so that being the case, Laura, this one's for you.**

**Thanks to all those who have alerted – feel free to drop me a line.**

**-------------------Songbird--------------------**

Friday

Olivia walked into the bullpen just after eleven looking tired and weary. It was her first week back and she knew she had overdone things but had dragged herself in an hour late just so she made an appearance.

"Liv, can I see you?" asked Don, coming from his office.

"Sure," she replied, walking stiffly to his door.

"Come on in and sit down," he instructed and she did. "Liv, you're looking very tired today."

"I'm feeling it too, Don, but it's just a matter of getting into routine. I am alright," she said to reassure him.

"I don't want you over doing things. There's nothing out there that can't wait til Monday…go home, rest and …" he began.

"Now I'm here can't I just do a few hours?" she asked earnestly.

"A few hours? Olivia, this is the problem. Monday was your first day back, it was supposed to be for two hours you were here four, Tuesday you were here five…that's not easing back into things. You had your therapy appointments Wednesday and Thursday and it's no wonder you're exhausted now. You are not staying today," Don said sternly.

"But Don…" she began to protest.

"Liv, I am going to play the big, bad boss again and for your own good," he warned, picking up the phone and hitting an extension number. "Got a job for you."

Within a minute the office door opened and Fin walked in.

"What's up, boss?" he asked, winking at Olivia.

"Take Olivia home, will you Fin? Make sure she's tucked up in bed asleep before you leave," Don said, glaring at Olivia. She smiled; she could deal with her boss caring about her.

The ride home was one full of chatter, although her body was weary her head was clear and her interest in life rekindled. Of all the men in her life, romantic or platonic, Fin was the one she felt she could really talk to. Their's was an open and honest relationship where neither pulled punches and the other just accepted it. She could talk about anything and everything with him, something she couldn't do with anyone else – including Elliot.

"So, Livvy," Fin continued as he parked the car in front of her building. "How's it feel being back?"

"Good," she grinned, the smile had been on her face for most of the week. "I can't believe I was away so long."

"You don't go pushing yourself, girl," he warned. "I don't know what we'd do if you were out for another six months…"

"I won't," she said as he assisted her up the steps and into her elevator.

"How's the therapy going?" he asked.

"The ...um… physical therapy is going okay…no pain, no gain," she sighed, leaning on the cold, steel wall of the elevator.

"The...'um…physical therapy'…Liv, does that mean there's another therapy?" Fin asked, keeping her eye contact.

She sighed; she knew she couldn't lie to him. "Yeah, there is," she admitted.

"And what would that be?" Fin asked as the doors slid opened and Olivia peeled herself off the wall.

She walked past him and out into the hallway, fishing for her keys. She opened her door, deposited her stuff on the hall table and headed to the kitchen. Fin followed.

"Olivia, what other therapy are you doing? he asked.

"Occupational therapy, sort of," she replied, grabbing two glasses from the cupboard.

"And what does it entail?" he asked as he watched her move to the fridge and pull out the orange juice, nodding when she offered it to him. She poured it, handed a glass to him and headed to the sofa with hers.

"My physical therapist suggested I do something a bit different for me…I needed to work on building up my chest and lungs and she suggested singing…" Olivia said.

"Singing? Didn't know you could sing, Liv," Fin remarked.

"Used to be quite good when I was younger but my mother said it was a waste of time and I never continued with it," she admitted sadly.

"I think it's great- when do we get to hear you?" he asked.

"Never..." she grinned. "Never!"

xxxx

Olivia's return to work was a slow and frustrating process, she started the week full of energy and enthusiasm but her mid week commitments took their toll and by Friday she was exhausted. In the end she'd given up the pretence of trying to work Fridays and just stayed longer on Mondays and Tuesdays.

Her relationships with the squad fell back into their former shapes, except for Elliot. She couldn't escape the fact that they hadn't really moved on from that night on her sofa when he revealed his guilt about her injuries, and whilst she knew they were good, and that she loved him now more than ever, the relationship was in need of a makeover and she had no idea how to do it. It was only a matter of days later when she found a way to express herself and it came in the way of a call from her physical therapist, Rikki Clarke.

"Hey Olivia, it's Rikki Clarke, how are you doing today?" she said.

"Good thanks, Rikki, what's up?" asked Olivia, knowing she only called to reschedule appointments.

"Olivia, I've been thinking about your singing and I've got an offer for you," she said.

"And what would that be?" asked Olivia cautiously.

"Well, I've got a friend called Brett Gilchrist who runs a bar called Binga's, about an hour out of town. He's looking for a singer for a couple of nights a week and I thought of you," Rikki said.

"No!" Olivia replied immediately.

"You could at least think about it first, Olivia. You sing beautifully, it's an avenue to let out some of those locked up emotions and it's out of town so no one will know you," Rikki said.

"But I'm Olivia Benson, detective not…" she began.

"Don't be Olivia Benson…pick a stage name," she said.

"Look, I don't think…" she began again.

"How about you come out tomorrow night, test the waters? If you don't like it you can say no." Rikki was insistent.

"Fine! Give me the details."

The following night, Wednesday, Olivia drove herself out of town and to Binga's. It was a warm and welcoming place, full of timber and rustic charm, unusual in this part of the world. She spied Rikki and the man she assumed to be Brett at a nearby table.

"So you're the singing detective," Brett said, standing to greet Olivia.

"Something like that," she replied embarrassed.

"What are you going to sing for us tonight?" he asked.

"Um, I thought I'd do Something's Gotta Change," she said, knowing it was the mantra she'd been saying for months now.

"Don't know that one," Rikki said.

"It's by Tina Arena…thought I'd go for something a bit different, harder to make comparisons," Olivia admitted.

"Well, Mike, Michael Bracken the pianist, is ready when you are. Got the music?" Brett asked and Olivia nodded handing him the sheet music.

Brett went over to see Mike, while Rikki got Olivia a glass of water from the bar. She scanned the premises, there were only about five other people in there, she could cope with that.

"Here you go," said Rikki, breaking into her thoughts.

"Thanks," replied Olivia, willing her hand to steady as she sipped from the glass.

"Did you think of a stage name?" she asked.

"Tried to but couldn't," Olivia said, she had thought about it but nothing had come to mind that sounded right.

"What about Laura Lee?" Rikki asked and continued when she saw Olivia's puzzled expression. "Laura Lee was the stage name of the girl who was going to do this gig, Brett had posters and other stuff done with the name on it and she quit before her first performance. Just figured if you used the name it would save him some money."

"Sure," Olivia agreed. It was a one night thing after all and the name didn't matter.

By the time Olivia took the stage there were at least twelve patrons and she felt nervous all over again. When her name was called, or at least Laura's name she made her way onto the small stage and to the microphone…after several deep breaths and one small false start she started singing.

Yeah  
I was lost in a world looking inside  
And no one could hear me  
I close my eyes, and I'm somewhere else  
When no one can see me lying, I'm crying I need some peace  
But I haven't found it

Something's gotta change  
Nothing stays the same  
Something's gotta change  
'Cause I can't live this way yeah

I've had love, like a drug running though me  
But nothing that's lasting  
Turn my cheek, when a man gets weak  
Too guilty to speak, when nobody asks me  
That's passed me  
I am sad, but I'm still laughing

Something's gotta change  
'Cause nothing stays the same  
Something's gotta change yeah  
'Cause I can't live this way

Something's gotta change  
Nothing stays the same  
Something's gotta change  
'Cause I can't live this way

Somebody open a door  
Somebody give me something more  
'Cause for sure

Something's gotta change  
Something's gotta change  
'Cause I can't live this way  
Something's gotta change  
Oh Woah Yeah  
'Cause nothing stays the same  
Something's gotta change  
Yeah  
'Cause I can't live this way  
Something's gotta  
Something's gotta change

At the end Olivia was more than pleased for it to be over, her heart was racing, her palms sweaty but to her utmost surprise she enjoyed the warm reception she received from those listening. At the earliest chance she left the stage and made her way back to Rikki.

"Well done, Olivia, or should I say Laura," Rikki enthused. "That was a fantastic performance!"

"I agree," said Brett coming up behind Rikki. "A star is born!"

"I wouldn't go that far," said Olivia quietly.

"Well, I would," said Brett. "What do you say to performing Thursday nights, eight til ten, if that works for you we can increase the nights?"

"I'm flattered by the offer but…" she began.

"Why not, Olivia? You're not working full time; you've been doing singing as therapy. I think this is just what you need," Rikki said.

Olivia stopped and considered things. If she was going to take any notice of the lyrics of her song then something had to change…and the first thing was her mind.

"Ok, I'll give it a try."

**-----------------------Songbird------------------------**

_**The song is Something's Gotta Give by Tina Arena – an Australian performer who now lives in France.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr Wolf and I'm just playing. The song's not mine either.**

**This story was inspired by a review MrsLee made last year, it's just taken me a while to get it done…so that being the case, Laura, this one's for you.**

**Thanks to all those who have alerted – feel free to drop me a line.**

**-------------------Songbird--------------------**

For the next four Thursdays Olivia headed out to Binga's and performed a variety of songs, keeping a special Tina Arena one to perform just before she ended her first set. It was the second night when she dedicated the song to Elliot and by the fourth week everyone was waiting for it… every song of hers was performed well but they all knew there would be something special about the song which followed the words, "this one's for Elliot".

On this night she was more nervous than anytime before…she had discovered a new Tina Arena song and it summed up everything about her daily existence.

So good  
When it's good I wanna spend my whole life lovin' you  
But I'm tired  
And you don't know how close I've come to leaving you  
You try my patience

And you race me to the wire  
It takes every ounce of my will and desire  
If I didn't love you  
If I didn't love you like crazy  
If I didn't love you baby  
As much as I do  
I'd just walk out the door  
I couldn't take it anymore  
I wouldn't put up with what you put me through  
If I didn't love you  
It's hard  
But you won't give up 'till you  
Push me to the wall  
But I know  
You're the only one who'll be there for me  
When I call (oh yes you will)  
I can't help believing  
That it's worth it somehow  
Cause I've worked too damn hard  
To wanna give up now  
If I didn't love you  
If I didn't love you like crazy  
If I didn't love you baby  
As much as I do  
I'd just walk out the door  
I couldn't take it anymore  
I wouldn't put up with what you put me through  
If I didn't love you  
If I didn't love you  
Nah, If I didn't  
If I didn't love you like I do  
When you love someone  
Nothings black or white  
When the riptide runs  
There's no wrong or right  
I'll sail with you but I'll refuse to drown  
So don't you take me down, down  
Take me down down  
Don't you take me down, down, down  
If I didn't love you  
If I didn't love you  
I'd walk out that door  
I don't need it anymore  
Need to put up with what you put me through  
If I didn't love you  
If I didn't love you  
If I didn't love you  
If I didn't love you like I do o o o  
I'd walk out that door  
I'm not comin' back no more  
No more

When she'd finished she sat down at her usual table and Rikki joined her.

"So, Liv, when am I going to meet Elliot?" she asked. It had been seven months since she first met Olivia just days after the explosion, she had heard his name mentioned on many occasions during their therapy sessions, she saw the love in Olivia's eyes when she sang for him but she was yet to set eyes on the man himself.

"You're not," she grinned, determined to keep this part of her life a secret.

"And why would that be?" Rikki asked.

"Because it's complicated and…" she paused and looked at Rikki, "and, I'm not going there."

"He doesn't know you love him, does he?" Rikki said, gazing at the table, Olivia shook her head. "Don't you think it's about time you told him?"

"Nope," she replied. "Not going to happen."

Rikki grinned; she had her own ideas about that.

Late Friday afternoon and things at the precinct weren't going as smoothly as Olivia's transition from detective to singer. There was an edge in the air which hadn't been there before her injury and wasn't evident when she was at her desk, choosing only to invade the squad room in her absence. Don stood in his office looking out at the bullpen, each of the four detectives with their heads down working away.

Normally a boss would be pleased to see a fully engaged workforce but not Don – the complete lack of banter, chatter or sound indicated something more was afoot. He studied each man, trying to figure out the origins of the uneasiness. It wasn't Lake, none of the other three would take notice of him and had he done something wrong they would have put him in his place, loudly. He watched Fin, he hadn't changed, hadn't done anything wrong, to his knowledge anyway. He watched as Fin quickly looked up and glanced between Munch and Elliot – Don had his answer.

"Munch, Stabler, my office," Don shouted and they obeyed. When both were standing before their boss he began. "I have no idea what's going on out there and between you two but I know it has something to do with Olivia and I KNOW it won't be a problem by Monday. Clear out for the day and sort it out, got it?"

"Yes sir," they responded in unison.

Elliot slid into the booth at the bar and sat opposite Munch; he sipped his beer and wiped away the foam from his top lip. He knew this moment was coming for a while and he had prepared himself for it.

"Go ahead and say it," Elliot said, looking down at his beer.

Munch took a mouthful of beer and stayed silent. "Go on," Elliot prompted. "You've been itching to say something for a while now." He glanced up at him and watched as his friend and colleague leaned back in the seat, still not speaking.

"Tell me you think I'm to blame for Olivia's injury. Tell me if it wasn't for my pig-headed arrogance she would have walked away that day instead of being paralysed," Elliot said, his voice becoming louder and edgier. Munch's continued silence frustrated him no end. "Speak, you bastard!"

"I don't have to speak, Elliot, you seem to be having a nice conversation with yourself there," he said dryly.

"It's what you were thinking," Elliot retorted.

"No, it's what you were thinking," he replied. "Not my problem with you at all."

Elliot studied Munch. "Then what's your problem with me?" he asked.

"You really want to know?" Munch asked and Elliot nodded.

"My problem, Elliot, is your apparent complete disregard for your partner's wellbeing," he said quietly.

"Isn't that just what I said?" Elliot asked confused.

"Not quite – you think the issue is the explosion…" he began.

"And isn't it? I mean if I hadn't…" Elliot interrupted.

"El, we all make decisions out on the job some work out, some don't. You obviously have a lot of guilt to work through but my issue with you is related to after the explosion," Munch explained.

"I was unconscious after it," Elliot said in his own defense.

"What, for the five months?" he asked.

"What? What do you mean 'five months'?" Elliot snarled.

John Munch slowly shook his head. "Since the incident you've had next to nothing to do with your partner…hell, I don't think you visited her more than a handful of times during her months in the hospital…"

"I did!" Elliot retorted.

"Well, Olivia doesn't seem to remember," Munch said tersely.

"Yeah well I was there..."he began but his voice trailed as Munch continued.

"Don's almost lived there after the explosion, Fin and I spent hours there, hell, even Lake was a frequent visitor, none of us seem to remember you there, so it's not just Olivia…" he said, matter-of-factly.

"She wasn't awake," Elliot admitted quietly.

"What?" Munch said loudly.

"John, I spent hours in the hospital with her, at night. The nights I was still in there I'd go sit with her, then when I was discharged I did the same…only at night, only when she was asleep," he sadly admitted.

"Why?" Munch asked.

"Because," Elliot began, locking eyes with him, "guilt's a bitch…it's one thing to blow up your partner, it's another to blow up the person you love."

"Love? You love Olivia? Or you're _in_ love with her?" Munch asked.

"I am_ in_ love with her and I damn near got her killed, but was that enough? No, not for me. I paralysed her…and she says we're good and she says she doesn't blame me but I blame me and I can't get past it." He looked up from the table top and Munch could see his tear filled eyes. "You tell me how the hell I'm supposed to go back to everything being 'normal'? And you know what's worse about all this? Every time I look at her I love her more and more and it just makes me hate myself all over again.

Munch put down his glass and sighed deeply. "Then you have to get off your ass and do something about it."

**-----------------------Songbird------------------------**

_**The song is If I didn't Love You by Tina Arena – an Australian performer who now lives in France.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr Wolf and I'm just playing. The song's not mine either.**

**This story was inspired by a review MrsLee made last year, it's just taken me a while to get it done…so that being the case, Laura, this one's for you.**

**Thanks to all those who have alerted – feel free to drop me a line.**

**-------------------Songbird--------------------**

_**A week later, Monday morning. **_

"SVU Detective Benson's phone, Detective Stabler speaking," Elliot answered, scanning the room for Olivia who was due in.

"May I please speak to Laura, I mean Olivia, please?" Rikki said.

"I'm sorry she's unavailable at the moment, can I help you?" Elliot said and Rikki smiled, she'd known Olivia wouldn't be there; this was just the man she wanted.

"Look I really needed to speak to Laura, do you know when she'll be in?" Rikki asked, trying to keep the grin off her face.

"Laura? You mean Olivia?" Elliot asked confused.

"Oh yes, Olivia, I keep forgetting that's her name there, when will she be in?" she asked.

"I'm sorry," Elliot shook his head. "What do you mean that's the name she uses here? That's her name."

"Oh yes, of course, I didn't mean to infer it wasn't. We just know her by another name," Rikki explained.

"And what name would that be?" Elliot asked, more concerned than curious.

"Laura Lee," Rikki said brightly.

"And where do you know Oliv…Laura from?" he asked, pen at the ready.

"Oh, she works here Thursday nights," she answered.

"Um, I think you must be mistaken," Elliot said.

"Stabler…Stabler," Rikki gave the impression she was thinking. "Not _Elliot Stabler_ by any chance?"

"Yes, it is," he replied more than concerned now.

"Oh, um…I'm not supposed to talk to _you,_ please don't tell Laura I rang." Rikki quickly hung up, a huge smile engulfing her face.

It took Elliot all of five minutes to get the number, name, location and have dialled the number. He quickly hung up before anyone answered as Olivia walked in.

"Hey, Liv," he said as she sat in her chair. "How'd it go this morning?"

Olivia rolled her eyes, this morning she had seen the orthopaedic specialist overseeing her case, she disliked the man with a passion, he was the one who kept her from returning fulltime.

"That good, hey?" he asked.

"Yeah," she mumbled.

"Look, how about I take you out to dinner one night this week?" Elliot offered. "I've dinner with Kathleen on Wednesday so how about Thursday?"

"Thursday? Sorry, that doesn't work for me. I've got plans? Olivia said casually.

"Anything special?" he asked.

"No not really," she replied, trying to keep it low key.

"What about after it? Will you be late?" he asked, trying to get a timeframe.

"Too late for dinner," she answered.

"I'm free Friday," she said. "You?" He nodded. "Friday it is."

When Olivia left for the day in mid afternoon, Elliot called the number which had been burning a hole in his pocket.

"Binga's bar," was the answer.

"Yeah, hi, could I speak to Laura Lee, please?" Elliot asked.

"Sorry buddy, she only works Thursday nights, between eight and ten. You want me to give her a message?" the man said.

"Nah, it's fine I'll catch her myself," Elliot replied before hanging up. A thousand questions bombarded him.

_Why was Olivia working in a bar? _

_Why was she using an alias? _

_Why did someone know she was using an alias? _

_Why didn't he know she was working somewhere where she needed an alias? _

_Why? _

_Why? _

_WHY?_

Fighting an overwhelming natural urge to get every answer from Olivia, Elliot decided to go for an alternate option, he'd wait til Thursday and go to Binga's and see for himself. So he waited.

Thursday night came around painfully slow. Elliot pulled up into the car park just after nine and immediately spied Olivia's car. He pushed the heavy wooden door opened and stood in the small foyer, taking his scarf and jacket off. From the direction, of what he assumed was the main bar, he heard an amazing voice drawing him into the room. He stood in the shadows at the back and his jaw nearly hit the floor when he realised the voice was emanating from Olivia. With a quick glance around saw how enraptured the audience was, and the posters on the wall with her picture announcing the performance.

He kept in the shadows not wanting to reveal his presence; he pulled up a barstool at the very end of the bar and ordered a beer. Before long a beautiful red head sat down beside him. "She's fantastic, isn't she?"

"Yeah," Elliot said his eyes not leaving the stage.

"You think she's good now, you just wait for the next song." The woman got up and left.

Olivia finished her song, took a quick drink of water and settled onto a wooden barstool. "I guess you all know what time it's time for, she said quietly.

"Song for Elliot," came a chorus of voices. Elliot nearly fell off his chair.

"Yeah it is."

In a crystal clear voice which Elliot truly believed would put the angels to shame, Olivia began to sing…

Imagine you, imagine me  
We could be happy, we could be free  
If we could only try  
No more hunger, no more greed  
Do you ever wonder, can you believe?  
This world's for us to share  
'Cause I hope and I pray  
Open our hearts and show us the way

I know love is the answer  
And fear serves only to bind  
Keep us all together  
We all belong in heaven above

No more deception, no more war  
And peace we would treasure for evermore  
No need to be alone  
'Cause I hope and I pray  
Open our hearts and show us the way

I know love is the answer  
And fear serves only to bind  
Keep us all together  
We all belong in heaven above

Each word, each line, each verse, was absorbed through every part of his body before finding their way to his heart. "I know love is the answer," he repeated to himself. He couldn't help but laugh, the biggest question he had had over his relationship with Olivia has just been answered by her – she loved him too.

When he realised she was leaving the stage he disappeared out the door.

"What are you smiling at?" she asked Rikki as she approached the bar.

"Nothing," the red head said, quickly glancing at the door. "Nothing at all."

**_Friday night_**

Taking Olivia out to dinner on Friday had been his idea. Munch had pestered him for a week about doing something about his declaration but Elliot was not up to doing it just yet. He settled for a simple dinner at her favourite restaurant.

Before knocking on her apartment door he wiped his sweaty hands on his black pants. He had never been more nervous in his life, with a shaky hand he rapped on the door. Olivia opened it and he had to keep his jaw from hitting the ground.

"You look beautiful," he whispered as he tried to control the warring parties within him.

"You don't look too bad yourself," she replied, adjusting his emerald tie, noting how it complimented her dress perfectly.

"You ready to go?" he asked, willing his heart to steady.

"Sure am," she smiled, grabbing her purse and jacket.

Before long they were seated at a cosy table for two and it was taking all Elliot's effort to concentrate on what Olivia was saying as opposed to what was pounding through his head. Olivia knew there was some internal battle raging she wasn't privy too and despite her gentle prodding he revealed nothing. After there dinner plates were cleared, she stood up from the table and held her hand out.

"Come dance with me," she said quietly.

"Are you sure you're up to it?" Elliot asked.

"El, it's a dance, not the New York Marathon." He took her hand and followed her to the small, highly polished wooden floor.

Olivia placed her hands on his shoulders but Elliot was unsure where to place his. He wanted to touch her – badly, but he didn't want to hurt her…he'd done enough of that.

"I won't break," she whispered to him as she positioned his hands on her body. He nodded slowly as she moved closer to him, stopping when she noticed his reluctance.

"El, I thought we were good?" she asked.

"We are, Liv," he replied automatically.

"Somehow, I don't think so," she said, pulling away from him.

"No, no." He pulled her back to him and wrapped his arms around her keeping her with him. "Please don't walk away from me," he said, dropping his head and whispering in her ear. "Please, please stay."

Instinctively she wrapped her arms around him and allowed herself to feel every movement of his body, it took her thirty seconds to realise he was sobbing. She tried to pull back but he wouldn't let her, instead, burying his face further into her hair and trying desperately to hide his pain from her. Olivia ran her hands around his back trying to soothe him but it didn't help. All she could hear was him muttering something; it took her a while to figure out what it was. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

When she could take it no more she ran her hands up to his face and forced him back.

"What are you so sorry for?" she asked, tears filling her eyes in response to his obvious pain.

"For everything," he replied, trying to look away but she wouldn't let him.

"Narrow it down," she commanded quietly.

"The expl…"

"NO!" she said loudly drawing stares from those around them. "We talked about this, you have nothing to be sorry for," she said in a more hushed tone.

"I know but…" he began.

"No but…if I don't blame you what on earth do you have to be sorry for? You did nothing wrong," she said sternly.

"I nearly got you killed, Liv," he said.

"And?" she prompted, expecting a better explanation than that.

"Isn't that enough?" he asked.

"No, it's not. I've put you in similar positions before, you've never blamed me," she said. "Have you?"

"No, I haven't," he admitted.

"Then?" she asked, he shook head. "So I'll ask you again, Stabler, are we good?"

"We're good," he said, pulling her to him and allowing his hands to settle on her back tenderly.

Olivia smiled, her back finally feeling better for the first time since the explosion.

**-----------------------Songbird------------------------**

_**The song is Love is the Answer by Tina Arena – an Australian performer who now lives in France.**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to Mr Wolf and I'm just playing. The song's not mine either.**

**This story was inspired by a review MrsLee made last year, it's just taken me a while to get it done…so that being the case, Laura, this one's for you.**

**Thanks to all who reviewed.**

**-------------------Songbird--------------------**

The following Thursday Elliot turned up at Binga's at the same time, in time to hear the song for Elliot…this time he was determined not to run away as soon as she left the stage. Once again he sat at the far end of the bar, obscured from her view. He ordered a beer but drank none, his stomach, like his heart was clenched and he knew only a positive outcome for the night would resolve it.

He watched as Olivia took a sip of water and settled to sing her 'song for Elliot'. His eyes filled with tears even before she began singing the song for him…

Moon so bright, night so fine  
Keep your heart here with mine  
Life's a dream we are dreaming  
Race the moon, catch the wind  
Ride the night to the end  
Seize the day, stand up for the light

I want to spend my lifetime loving you  
If that is all in life I ever do  
Heroes rise, heroes fall  
Rise again, win it all

In your heart, can't you feel the glory  
Through our joy, through our pain  
We can move worlds again  
Take my hand, dance with me

I want to spend my lifetime loving you  
If that is all in life I ever do  
I will want nothing else to see me through  
If I can spend my lifetime loving you  
Though we know we will never come again  
Where there is love, life begins  
Over and over again

Save the night, save the day  
Save the love, come what may  
Love is worth everything we pay  
I want to spend my lifetime loving you  
If that is all in life I ever do  
I want to spend my lifetime loving you  
If that is all in life I ever do  
I will want nothing else to see me through  
If I can spend my lifetime loving you

And this time Elliot couldn't help but let the tears escape down his cheek. He so desperately wanted to spend his lifetime loving her; he wanted to spend every day and night holding her, being with her, and making love with her. He wanted it more than he'd wanted anything else in his life, more than he needed anything else.

"She's amazing, isn't she?" the same red head said sitting alongside him.

"She is!" Elliot agreed. He let his eyes leave Olivia for a second to take in the woman beside him. "You're the one who rang, aren't you?"

She nodded and smiled. "Didn't think anyone who was the object of such love and adoration should miss out on hearing about it."

"Thanks," he said quietly.

"So, Elliot,' she said, looking back towards the stage. "You going to do something about it?"

"Can you help me?" he asked, nervously.

"Sure, what do you need?" Rikki asked.

Elliot produced a CD. "Song five." Maybe when Liv's taking a break you could play it and announce it as a 'Song for Olivia'?" he asked hopefully.

"Consider it done!'

Olivia finished her set and took a seat at the end of the bar, nearest the stage, Elliot hidden from her view by the curve of the bar and the large fridges behind the barman. Brett took to the stage and Olivia turned around, no one usually took the stage before she had completely finished for the night.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, smiling at Olivia when he saw he had her attention. "Our beautiful songstress, Laura Lee, dedicates a song a night to Elliot…" he stopped to observe the warm ripple of applause which filled the room. "Tonight, we have another dedication and while we don't normally do this I'm making an exception. This is a song for Olivia."

Olivia straightened in her stool, no one here, except Brett and Rikki knew her as Olivia but as the music started she recognised the song and knew instantly it was for her.

The voice of Tina Arena came from the stereo…

You sit in silence in the shadows  
You don't complain or criticise  
And while the world may see me as a fool  
They're not looking through your eyes  
No questions asked  
You're there  
When I need you  
With a love that inspires  
Me to be Everything you deserve

Elliot stood from his stool and slowly made his way around the bar, watching her intently. She was mesmerised by the song.

Cause you're my  
Unsung hero  
And I know it's not easy  
To walk in your shoes  
Day after day  
You continue to amaze me  
Now I sing this song of love  
For you

Several feet away he stopped, aware he was the focus of attention from the other patrons but knowing Olivia was still oblivious.

While others long to steal the spotlight  
You work your magic quietly  
Cause you're not in it for the glory  
The love you give comes naturally  
I may not have much  
What I have  
I give it to you  
This song that I sing  
Is my gift  
And I swear that I mean every word

Cause you're my  
Unsung hero  
And I know it's not easy  
To walk in your shoes  
Day after day  
You continue to amaze me  
Now I sing this song of love  
For you  
My unsung hero  
And I know it's not easy  
To walk in your shoes  
Day after day  
You continue to amaze me  
Now I sing this song of love  
For you

As he watched the tears cascade down her cheeks he could wait no more. He moved to her and gently touched her arm. She looked at him, almost in disbelief but welcomed his arms as they slid around her body and held her still. Their upper bodies still not connected, Elliot began singing in a low rumble …

Now I sing this song of love  
For you  
Sing this song of love  
Sing this song of love  
I'll sing it for you baby  
Sing it for you  
You are my hero

"You are my hero, Liv. You have been since the very beginning. And I love you so very, very much," he whispered, his eyes darting between hers. "I'm a fool for not letting you know a long time ago but I beg you to let me make up for it now. Olivia Benson, I love you," he said, a quiet desperation in his voice.

Olivia brought her hands up and across his chest before linking her fingers behind his neck and pulling him towards her.

"I love you too, Elliot," she replied, before leaning in and losing herself in his amazing blue eyes and then in his kiss. A roar of applause, cheering and whistles went around the bar but the pair remained locked in their embrace.

Finally Olivia pulled back. "How did you know?" she whispered. "About the bar?"

"A little birdie told me," he replied, embracing her tightly.

"Remind me to thank her," Olivia mumbled into his ear as she tried to nibble it.

"Take you home, Liv?" he asked, not wanting to waste another moment.

Olivia grinned as she eased herself from the stool and into his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and held him impossibly close to her. As she rested her head on his chest she sighed deeply. "I'm already home, El, already home."

**_The End_**

**-----------------------Songbird------------------------**

_**The songs are: I Want to Spend my lifetime Loving You and Unsung Hero both by Tina Arena – an Australian performer who now lives in France.**_


	7. Chapter 7

**_This is not a new chapter to Songbird, just to let you know I have written a companion piece to the story and it's told from Elliot's point of view. So many people alerted the story I figured this was the best way to let people know._**

**_Far from being an original title, the companion piece is titled Elliot's Songbird._**

****

**_Thanks for all your support with the original._**


End file.
